twist of fait accomplis

I would have asked him a question about business ethics.

I guess it goes without saying that they were the best tasting M&M's I've ever had.

:)

Dear Bradley Whitford,

I was so hurt when I found out you had given m&ms to some random bitch who ran into you in the airport when I have been trying to reach you for SEVEN YEARS, BRADLEY!

I want to let you know what you should already know: that if you had offered me some brightly colored glucoscious treats as we stood together at the wrong gate at the airport I would not have crammed my mouth full of them and stood gaping with the technicolor shells in my teeth as you called your wife, Jane fucking Kaczmarek. (Hi, Jane! I have always respected you!) Oh no, Bradley Whitford. I think by now you know me better than that. And knowing me, you know I would have taken those candies home and preserved them in my special Bradlucite TM Concoction for Archiving Whitford Ephemera (R), just as I've told you many times I did with what could very likely be your tube sock, every piece of trash from the lunch-shift garbage cans of the Hoolies where I heard you ate a bratwurst sandwich and drank a light beer at 11:47 AM on August 3, 2000, and the (probable) skin flake I lifted from the mouthpiece of the phone I saw your agent using in a phonebooth outside a trendy patisserie on Mad Ave. (this was in the days before cels).

I told you all that, Bradley, all of that and so much more, and yet you never wrote back to ANY of ALL the THOUSANDS of letters I put in the mailbox carefully addressed to "Bradley Whitford the STAR!" All I wanted was a shout-out. You couldn't even grant me a shout-out after 7 years of dedication and love?

But the tables, as they say, have turned. Now there is the World Wide Web! And now, now I have found you! I can write you all the time at this website that offers 24-hr, 7day access to Bradley Whitford! THIS, THIS, THIS is what the internet is for!!!!!! (I used to think it was for popcap.com and the drudge report. I was so wrong.)

Bradley: expect to hear from me daily! Because you owe me, Bradley Whitford. You. Owe. Me. Big.

from:
Tarsha Luke